


Slow Motion Replay

by fragilecapricornpanic



Series: Even Numbers [23]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Humor, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, Light Angst, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Alternating, Pre-Canon, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Soft Diego Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27930664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic
Summary: Smelling eau da Klaus, alcohol and cigarettes, Diego whacked the door to make it slam into his brother’s face. Why was he hiding behind a door? That was only one step up from hiding behind a curtain and still having your feet poking out. “Hit me anywhere but my face, you know I like my face.” Klaus whined, rubbing at his jaw. It being broken again would be for the greater good, the silence was well needed.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: Even Numbers [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944895
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	Slow Motion Replay

**Author's Note:**

> Not really mature, I just rated it that for swearing.
> 
> Written from the character’s subjective POVs :)

After recently stealing Diego’s wallet for the trillionth time, Klaus placed Diego’s driver’s licence and credit cards into his mail box. He normally returned them, it erased some of the guilt that came with stealing from Diego. “You’re a saint, they should knight you like dad.” Ben sniped, never taking a break from his sarcasm. Klaus had heard it all before, it was water off a duck’s back.

“I think I’d be more of a dame.” Klaus quickly shuffled behind the door when footsteps approached, feeling too ashamed to face Diego. Ben was such a snake for not warning him that their brother was coming. The footsteps could’ve been anyone who lived in this building, but Klaus had been tipped off by the distinctive sound of a knife being flipped in the air. It wasn’t fair that Klaus had been to prison yet knife boy hadn’t.

Smelling eau da Klaus, cheap alcohol and cigarettes, Diego whacked the door to make it slam into his brother’s face. Why was he hiding behind a door? That was only one step up from hiding behind a curtain and still having your feet poking out. His brother dramatically groaned, stumbling out of his ridiculous hiding place. “Hit me anywhere but my face, you know I like my face.” Klaus whined, rubbing at his jaw. It being broken again would be for the greater good, the silence was well needed.

“Okay.” Diego obliged with that request, instead kicking Klaus in his crotch. Slickly catching his brother before he toppled over, Diego battled with himself not to let go and let Klaus fall. The door and the kick seemed like enough vengeance for now. There was plenty of time for his brother to give Diego more reasons for petty violence.

This was beautiful, Ben wanted a slow motion replay. “I was giving you your cards back...” his seance brother explained, doing too little far too late. It was the principle involved in stealing from Diego that was the main issue. “I don’t give a shit.” their elder brother scoffed, opening his mailbox to retrieve his various cards. He was understandably disillusioned with Klaus, a feeling Ben shared. 

That reaction just made Klaus feel even guiltier. He didn’t enjoy stealing from Diego, the only person who hadn’t totally given up on him. It would kind of be better if he had, that way it would be harder to let him down. Apologetically placing a hand on Diego’s shoulder, Klaus hastily removed it when his brother looked tempted to stab him. More tempted than usual. “I swear I didn’t wanna steal it, I reeeaaally needed the mon-“

“Drugs. You needed drugs.” Diego corrected, uninterested in Klaus’ excuses. The real reason always came back to one thing. Narcotics. Though his brother was too much of a pussy to say it as it was, instead skirting around the subject.

Looking between Diego and Klaus like the spectator he sadly was, Ben wondered what bullshit Klaus was going to reply with. He was neck deep in denial. “Yeah... you’re right.” Klaus sighed, sheepishly staring down at the ground. “I... I was really dopesick. I’m sorry.” he quietly mumbled, being honest for once. Diego appeared even more surprised than Ben felt, actually doing a double-take.

Who was this imposter and what had he done with Klaus? “...Thank you.” Diego mumbled back, caught off guard by this sudden change in the usual script. This was progress, no matter how small. “It doesn’t make it okay, but thanks.” Diego fought to meet Klaus’ eye, which was only fleeting. The blatant guilt made a tiny part of Diego feel hopeful, but he’d grown so cynical regarding Klaus that it was hard to believe he could change. 

“I don’t like any of this shit, I hate it. I don’t do it for fun anymore.” his brother dejectedly confessed, which wasn’t unexpected for Diego. It didn’t look like fun, and that was part of what made it so frustrating. The idea of self-inflicted suffering was infuriating, he couldn’t empathise with that choice. “I know you don’t.” Diego muttered, placing his cards into his replacement wallet. The wallet he was going to keep securely in his hand the entire time he was near Klaus. Like how every brother has to try and prevent the other stealing from them, there was nothing unusual about that. It was _totally normal,_ Diego wasn’t at all bitter about it.

This was less entertaining for Ben than Klaus getting his comeuppance. There wasn’t much optimism present in Ben about Klaus, not anymore. “Your new wallet’s nicer than the last one though, huh?” his seance brother awkwardly tittered, allergic to being serious for more than thirty seconds. 

“You _know_ it isn’t.” Diego venomously replied, his last wallet having been an expensive gift from Eudora. Klaus knew what it had been worth, since that money had surely gotten him high as a kite. His brother looked embarrassed, which wasn’t an emotion he typically displayed. He really ought to though, he does so much to be embarrassed about. 

Nervously tapping atop the mailboxes, Klaus cringed at his stupid joke. Can everyone but him control what comes out of their mouths? That must be nice. “Yup, right again!” Klaus anxiously giggled, rapidly losing the minimal control he had of his brain. “I know it isn’t, ‘cause I pawned the last one to get high. It was so expensive that I knew it had to’ve been a gift, but I _still_ sold it and t-“

“Stop talking.” Ben interrupted, knowing Klaus would dig himself a deeper and deeper hole until Diego vengefully kicked him again... which would be good to see. Damn it, Ben shouldn’t have stopped Klaus.

All of a sudden Klaus silenced himself, which was disappointing for Diego as he’d been intending on kicking him. “Sorry... again.” his brother slammed a hand onto the mailboxes to end the conversation, like a physical piece of punctuation. “See y’later, probably when I need a wallet to steal!” Klaus froze, as if he’d only just realised what he’d said. Seeing him make a complete fool of himself was great, Diego wanted to savour this. “That was waaaay too soon. Forget I said that, sorry _again_.” his brother shot out of the door to escape this situation, instantly beginning to bicker with nobody. 

Did he talk to himself in front of everybody or did he let his guard down around Diego? If that was the case, he needed to put his guard back up. As high as it would go. “Wait,” Diego stopped him, against his better judgement. “when’d you last eat?” Due to him characteristically only wearing a jacket, not a shirt, Diego could tell he was even scrawnier than usual. He hadn’t thought such a thing were possible, but apparently it was. 

Sharing an incredulous glance with Ben, Klaus turned to face Diego. “Like...” he looked back to Ben, having no idea. There was no point in knowing when he ate when that was Ben’s job.

“Are you fucking serious, Klaus?! I’ve told you _eleven_ times today that you haven’t eaten in two days, do you ever listen t-“ Throwing a hand through Ben to shut up his nagging, Klaus relayed that information to Diego - without all the unnecessary bitching. Eleven times had to be a massive exaggeration, Klaus hadn’t heard a single one of them. Had he heard anything Ben had said today though? Probably not.

Why did dad have to make Diego the higher number? Being the little brother would be much easier. “You’re so goddamn stupid.” Diego huffed, following Klaus down the stoop. There was no way Diego would trust him inside the apartment to get food, but there was also no way he’d allow Klaus to unintentionally starve himself. Diego would have to buy him something to eat, and then supervise him to make sure he actually ate it without getting distracted by doing something else instead. “Of all the drugs you take you couldn’t take a little Adderral?” Diego scoldingly smacked the back of Klaus’ empty head. 

—

Due to his brother being shirtless like a lunatic, the thought of going in public with him was unnerving. That concept was always unnerving, but now so in particular. “Button up that thing.” Diego authoritatively ordered, looking to the jacket with disdain. Where the hell did Klaus find these clothes, which planet? He should’ve been Space Boy, not Luther.

The contempt in Diego’s eyes was way too catty for someone who dressed like a knockoff batman with a leather fetish. “But I’m not cold. I’m actually kinda warm, aren’t you warm? I might just take it off.” Klaus fanned himself, enjoying making Diego uncomfortable. Shirts weren’t a legal requirement for being inside, at least Klaus didn’t think so. Ben would’ve told him if they were... but again Klaus wouldn’t have listened, so maybe shirts were legitimately a legal requirement.

“You’ve stolen my wallet six times, button up your goddamn jacket!” Diego yelled when Klaus began to defiantly take it off. Why did he have such an issue with a socially acceptable amount of clothes? Or a socially acceptable amount of _anything_. Literally nothing he did could be normal, it was uncanny. He was weird even for someone who grew up in a family of superheroes with an android mother, and a talking chimpanzee. 

Remorsefully nodding, Klaus buttoned his jacket up... mostly. He had to have some standards. “Is it really six though? I feel like you’re exaggerating. You too,” he pointed at Ben, who’d chosen to ride up front with Diego like a little traitor. “I’m calling bullshit on eleven.” 

Jesus Christ, Diego regretted trying to help him. It was really six wallets. “Why’s it sitting next to _me?!”_ The imaginary friend always sat with Klaus, that was an unwritten rule. Diego didn’t want it next to him, it was part of Klaus’ brain and therefore irritating. Although Diego couldn’t hear it talking, he knew it’d be just like Klaus and would never shut the hell up.

“Because he’s a backstabbing little bitch!” It would be easier to be a ghost if Ben could beat Klaus up. That inability was almost more frustrating than Diego not believing Ben was sat right next to him. He missed Diego so much, he grieved for the connection they’d had as kids. If Diego knew Klaus was calling _Ben_ the backstabbing little bitch, he’d probably beat him up on Ben’s behalf. 

Nope. Diego wasn’t having this inane argument. Not today. Seeing Klaus twice in the space of a week was too much, the first time had been unwelcome enough. Getting out of the car, Diego opened the backdoor for his brother since he was being sadistically uncooperative. “You have five seconds to get out of the car.” Diego warned, accidentally using a parenting technique. Shit, what was he supposed to do when he reached five and Klaus hadn’t moved?!

Oh no, Klaus was quaking in his boots. “Really, dad? What’re y’gonna do if I don’t?” Klaus back-talked, as unfazed by this technique as he had been as a child. It seemed unlikely that Diego would also begin locking him in a mausoleum as a punishment. Diego slammed the door and then got back inside the car, struggling to start the engine up. This car needed incinerating, it was sweet that Diego had such an irrational bond with it. “Where’re we going now?!”

“A drive thru.” Diego had planned to take him to one originally, but had wanted to avoid Klaus staying in the car too long. He destroyed anything he spent too much time around, including Diego’s will to live. It was preferable to not be seen with Klaus in public anyway, shirtless or not. He always did or said something that made people give them dirty looks, avoiding that was worth the risk of Klaus damaging the car. “But I need a smoke!” his brother petulantly complained, which was exactly why Diego had confiscated his lighter. That and the pyromania.

Like usual, Diego continued on as if Klaus hadn’t said anything. Neither Diego nor Klaus had made the connection between an unlit cigarette and the car’s cigarette lighter, which was almost concerning for Ben. Clearly Five had been right and they were all morons. Every day Ben grew more hopeful that Five would die too, as awful as that was. Talking to someone with a functioning brain would be glorious after years of only speaking to Klaus. Being near Diego evidently didn’t offer much intellectual relief. “If you guys weren’t different races, I’d think you were biological brothers.” His brothers had the shared ability to shine a flashlight through one ear and have light come out of the other.


End file.
